Great Route 8, Mate!
by Anthony Staffenhagen
Summary: Request. The Louds and Lillie go to the beach and some stuff happens.
1. Beach!

It was late at night and Lillie was in her and Lincoln's room by herself. She was in her pajamas, writing in a diary.

Lillie: I've lived here at the Loud house again for almost 2 weeks now. Uncle Lincoln, Great Aunt Rita, and most of my aunts are much more welcoming me than they were last time. Aunt Lisa, not so much. Great Uncle Lynn keeps avoiding me because I remind him of Uncle Anthony. It makes him sad that he never got to have a good relationship with him. That really sucks. But not as much as the fact that it's almost the 7th and I still haven't told anybody that I won't be able to go with them to…

Suddenly, Lincoln came in.

Lincoln: Hey, Lillie. Tomorrow we're gonna…

Lillie panicked and covered up the diary with her arms.

Lillie: Ah! You can't look! It's a secret.

Lincoln: Wow. You keeping a secret. What a surprise.

Lillie: Sorry. It's just that…Don't you know you're not supposed to read other people's diaries?

Lincoln: Since when do you have a diary?

Lillie: Since recently. Okay? Did you see anything I wrote?

Lincoln: No.

Lillie: Good.

Lincoln: Anyway, the reason I came in here was to tell you that we're going to the beach on Route 8 tomorrow.

Lillie: We're going to a beach in December?

Lincoln: It's still hot there, so why not?

A Wynaut could be seen through Lincoln's window, jumping up to it before falling down.

Lillie: Excellent point. But still, why?

Lincoln: Because my dad thought we should see all the best parts of Kalos one last time before we move back to Michigan.

Lillie: …Yep. We're all moving to Michigan. Every single one of us…We sure are.

Lincoln: Are you okay?

Lillie: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just…tired. I'm gonna go to bed now.

Lincoln: Oh. You are? 'Cause, I was gonna read my Ace Savvy comics.

Lillie: Okay. Then I'll leave the room.

Lincoln: You don't have to do that. I can read in the living room.

Lillie: No, no. This was your room first. I'll go downstairs and play some Nintendo.

Lincoln: But I thought you said you were tired.

Lillie: That may or may not have been a lie to avoid making this situation awkward.

Lillie left the room and shut the door as quickly as she possibly could.

Lillie: Except I failed miserably and that was awkward anyway.

Luan: I believe you mean…

Luan used her superpowers to make a small ball of electricity float above her hand.

Luan: … _shockward_.

Lillie laughed in an obviously fake way.

Luan: Oh, come on. I don't want you to pretend you think my jokes are funny. Give me your honest opinion.

Lillie: Are you sure?

Luan: Would I have said that if I wasn't?

Lillie: Very well then. You are likely the worst comedian in this universe.

Luan: Thank you. That's all I wanted to hear.

 **The Next Day**

Lillie and the Louds went to the beach on Kalos Route 8. They all had Summer wear on even though it was December.

Lillie: Aw, this takes me back to when I was in Alola with Eureka.

Lincoln: Her name is not Eureka.

Lillie: Yes it is.

Luan got something big and dangerous out of the back of Vanzilla and brought it onto the sand.

Luan: Alright. Who wants to get in my cannon?

Nobody said anything.

Luan: Anybody?

Rita: You don't seriously want to fire people out of that thing, do you?

Luan: Yeah. It's so they can do actual cannonballs into the water.

Rita: If I had known you were gonna do that, I wouldn't have let you bring it.

Luan: Well, what else am I supposed to fire out of it?

Lisa: How about cannonballs? You know, the ammunition that is meant to be loaded into such artillery.

Luan: Where's the fun in that?

Lola: If you wanna fire a person out of it so badly, why don't you just fire yourself?

Luan: I can't exactly watch the launch if I'm the one being launched, now can I?

It was at that moment, Luan Special walked up to Luan.

Luan S.: I'll be in the cannon for ya'.

Luan L.: Luan? What are you doing here?

Luan S.: I was at home, just trying to watch TV, but because Lana refuses to learn that I view my shows differently than she does, she would not shut up! It was all "How can you watch this garbage?" this and "Change the channel this instant!" that. So, I came here to get away from her.

Luan L.: You left your universe just because your sister was annoying you?

Luan S.: I wanted to be 500% sure I wouldn't be able to hear her voice.

Luan L.: Aren't you technically hearing her voice right now because you're talking to me?

Luan S.: Don't analyze what I say, just accept it. That's how memes work. So how'd you get this cannon anyway?

Luan L.: Leni gave it to me for Secret Santa on Thanksgiving.

Luan S.: My Leni or your Leni?

Luan L.: Mine.

Luan S.: Okay, cool. Now I don't have to worry that mine is selling illegal DVDs in order to afford cannons. Or station wagons. Now let's launch me! Help me get in.

Luan L.: Sure thing.

Luan L. lifted Luan S. up and loaded her into the cannon.

Luan S.: Before you fire it off, I have got something to say.

Luan L.: What is it?

Luan S.: I noticed everyone in your family has the same beach clothes as the people in my family they have the same name as. I wonder if the same can be said about our snow clothes and jammies.

Luan L.: I'll bet it can. So, you ready to be a human cannonball?

Luan S.: It's human candyball, but yes.

Luan L.: There's just one problem. How are we gonna light the fuse?

Lana: Got ya' covered. Izzy, use Ember!

Izzy: Salandit!

Izzy lit the cannon's fuse, so Luan L. plugged her ears and closed her eyes, grinning in anticipation.

Rita: While the Luans are doing…that…Would anyone like to be normal and just walk into the water?

Everybody except for Lincoln, Lola, Lucy, the Luans, and Lillie got in the water. It was far enough away that they couldn't hear anybody who was still on the sand.

Luan S.: Anybody else wanna get in with me?

Lillie: I know I do.

Lincoln: What?! You can't be serious.

Lillie: Yes I can because I am.

Lincoln: I added the "Not" to your nickname for a reason. Don't make me take it away.

Lillie got into the cannon.

Lucy: I would like to get in too.

Luan L.: Why didn't you say something before?

Lucy: I was too busy thinking about how much of an empty void the world we live in is.

Lucy got in the cannon.

Luan S.: Everybody should get in!

Lola: No way!

Luan S.: You know what they say. The more the merrier. Help me pull them in, guys.

Lillie: Will do.

Lillie, Luan S., and Lucy pulled Lincoln, Luan L., and Lola into the cannon.

Lola: No, no, no, no, no, no! I can't go in the water. I haven't put my protective wrap on yet.

Luan L.: Don't worry. There's still plenty of time for us to get out before the…

The cannon's fuse burnt down, but because it was so clogged up with people, the cannon exploded. This caused them all to get launched hundreds of feet into the air.

Luan S.: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! This is a lot less funny than I thought it was gonna be!

Lincoln: What is the matter with you?! Why would you pull us in?!

Lillie: Luan Special and Aunt Lucy were gonna pull you all in anyway. I may as well have helped them out.

Lucy: I don't understand what everyone's so upset about. I'm loving this.

Luan S.: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! We're gonna die! We're gonna throw up, then we're gonna die! I regret everything! I never got to tell my family I love them! Except Lana because spec Lana. WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAIN!

Lincoln, Lucy, the Luans, Lola, and Lillie all vanished with a twinkle.

They were now above the oceans of the Hoenn region.

Luan S.: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Why aren't you guys telling me to calm down?

Lincoln: Because we're hundreds of feet in the air with no safe place to land. That's a legitimate reason to be screaming.

Lucy: Why aren't we all screaming? I like screaming.

Ridley flew by with Spiky-eared Pichu riding on his back.

Lola: What the heck is that thing?

Lincoln: That's Ridley. He's an evil alien who can shoot fireballs out of his mouth.

Luan S.: Much safer. Let's land on him.

Everyone landed on Ridley's back.

Ridley: Hey! What do you think you're doing? I'm not gonna give you a ride. Do I look like a bus to you people?

Lola: You're giving that Pichu a ride.

Lincoln: Or he's kidnapping her.

Ridley grabbed Lincoln, Lola, and Lillie in one hand and Lucy and the Luans in the other.

Ridley: For your information, I'm giving her a ride because she's my girlfriend.

Lincoln: …Spiky-eared Pichu is your girlfriend?

Ridley: Yeah. You got a problem with that, old lady?

Lincoln: "Old lady?" I'm a 13-year-old boy. And no, I don't have a problem with it. I'm just surprised. You having a girlfriend at all is weird enough as it is. The fact that it's a Pichu only makes it…

Suddenly, a whale came up from under the water. That's right, a whale, not a Wailord.

Luan L.: Who's that Pokémon?

Luan S.: That's no Pokémon. That's an animal. You guys know what animals are, right?

Lincoln: Uh-huh. I've seen them on TV.

Lola: But what's one doing here?

Ridley: Having lunch!

Ridley threw the Louds, Luan S., and Lillie down to the whale. The whale opened its mouth and bit down once they were inside.

Ridley: Now, where was I?

Spiky-eared Pichu: Pichu.

Ridley: Oh, right. Of course.

Rayquaza appeared and he and Ridley started fighting by grabbing each other's necks.

Inside of the whale's mouth, it was too dark for anyone to see anything.

Lola: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!

Lincoln: My fault? How is it in any way my fault?

Lola: Sorry, I thought you were Luan.

Luan L.: You mean the other Luan, right?

Lola: NO!

Luan L.: It is not my fault. I know I'm the one who brought the cannon, but I said that only one person can go in it at a time. Lillie and…

Lola: YOU NEVER SAID THAT!

Luan L.: I didn't? Oh, you're right, I didn't. I meant to though.

Luan S.: You never could have brought it if you had never gotten it in the first place.

Lincoln: So you're saying it's Leni's fault?

Luan S.: No. It's the guy who invented Secret Santa's fault.

Lillie: It doesn't matter whose fault it is.

Lincoln: Says the one whose fault it is.

Lillie: What we need to focus on is finding a way out of here.

Lucy: I don't want to leave! I love it in here! It's so dark!

Lillie: I knew you were gonna say that.


	2. Mewtwo Explanation!

Diancie and her group arrived at the Kalos Route 8 beach and Diancie laid a towel on the sand.

Lana noticed they were there, so she came out of the water and walked up to them.

Poipole: Oh-no. Not her again.

Lana: Do you mind if I…?

Poipole: Please go away. You promised you wouldn't try to catch me anymore.

Lana: I'm not here for you. I just wanna ask Diancie something.

Diancie: Not gonna happen.

Whatshername: Does she have to be the one you ask?

Lana: Well, she doesn't HAVE to be. But it's about Legendary Pokémon, so I thought she would know the answer.

Diancie: You have my attention.

Marshadow: Marshadow Marshadow.

Diancie: Marshadow says that we're not Legendary Pokémon, we're Mythical Pokémon. But he's full of it, so ignore him. Now, what's your question?

Lana: I'm gonna go on a Pokémon journey in Kanto soon and…

Diancie: That's not a question.

Lana: Do you have any tips on how I can catch Mewtwo?

Diancie laughed right in Lana's face.

Diancie: First off, it's pronounced "meh-twoe." And here's your tip. Don't try to catch him because he sucks.

Lana: What are you talking about? I've heard it's one of the most powerful Pokémon in existence.

Diancie: There's more to a Pokémon than just how powerful it is.

Lana: Like what? How does Mewtwo suck?

Diancie: Take a seat and I'll tell you.

Lana sat down.

Diancie: 850 years ago, there was a Pikachu, a Jigglypuff, a Mewtwo, and a Pichu who were members of a popular club called the Selective Men's Association of Shared Heritage. Several years later, the club needed to kick out some members in order to make room for new ones. Johto wasn't important anymore and Sinnoh was, so they replaced the Pichu with a Lucario. But because the Mewtwo also happened to be kicked out of the club, everyone thought the Lucario had replaced him. And so, Mewtwo fans started giving the Lucario tons of hate for something that wasn't even true. Pichu fans didn't despite the fact they should have. A few years later, the Lucario was still in the club, with a Greninja being accepted in. And the Mewtwo fans continued to complain about their ugly as frick Pokémon not being put back in. Also, a totally awesome Carbink, my great grandma, beat the snot out of Mewtwo just by looking at him.

Lana: …..That made no sense. How does that mean Mewtwo sucks?

Diancie: That Lucario did nothing wrong. And Mewtwo fans shunned it.

Lana: You know who else did nothing wrong? The Mewtwo. Fans doing something bad doesn't mean the thing they're a fan of sucks.

Diancie: But there was this one guy who was a Lucario fan who was annoyed by all the Mewtwo whining.

Lana: If this is such ancient history, why isn't he over it by now?

Diancie: He is over it. But Mewtwo still relates to negative emotions for him because Mewtwo hasn't done enough good stuff for him since to outweigh that bad experience he had. Just because you don't have a reason to hate something anymore doesn't mean you're gonna start liking it.

Celebi: Celebi Celebi?

Diancie: No, I do not still hate Emolga after all these years because of the "haven't done good stuff yet" thing. I hate Emolga because Emolga.

Lana: There is no way that story you told me is even true.

Diancie: It's as true as I am awesome.

Lana: So it's not true at all?

Diancie punched Lana in the face really, really hard.

Lana fell down with her now bruised-up face and started crying. Then she ran back into the water to get her parents.

Diancie: Let's get outta here. Coming here was a stupid idea anyway.

Rita: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

Rita, Lynn Sr., and Lana were now back on the sand.

Lynn Sr.: We are so suing you for punching our daughter.

Diancie: Suing me? I thought it was called letting me off scott free.

Whatshername: They mean they're taking you to court.

Diancie: What's that slang for?

Poipole: It's not slang.

Diancie: …Do you mean that place where there's a judge and they decide who's guilty?

Rita: Yes!

Diancie: …

A guy named Chad came up to the left of Diancie.

Chad: Guess you got your comeuppance!

Lynn Sr.: Sorry, Diancie. Or should I say "Diancloser?"

Diancie: …

Diancie punched Rita in the gut and hit Lynn Sr. between his legs with the bottom of her body.

Whatshername: Did you just attack them more after they already said they're gonna sue you?

Diancie: Worth it!


	3. Some other third thing!

Luan S.: And that's why I have no interest in being a professional stand-up comedian.

Luan L.: That's ridiculous. You shouldn't let Lana tell you what to do. There's no way it could be your fault that she fell off that cliff. And all her bones are healed now, so…

Luan S.: It's okay. I like where my life is at now.

Everyone felt some intense rumbling below their feet.

Lola: What is happening?!

Lillie: I read about this in a book. When this happens, it's because the whale is about to shoot water out of its blowhole.

Lincoln: What does that mean?

Lillie: It means we're all about to be free!

Lucy: Aw man!

The whale blasted everyone out of his or her blowhole and back into the sky. This time, they landed in a hole at the top of Mt. Pyre. Once again, it was too dark to see anything.

Lola: This is getting stupid!

Luan S.: In a good way?

Lola: No, not stupid in a good way! What's stupid in a good way?!

Luan S.: The TV shows I watch.

Suddenly, everyone could now see a small light. Then the light got bigger, and bigger, and bigger. It kept increasing in size while the temperature kept going up and up.

Lincoln: This mountain is a volcano, isn't it?

Lillie: Yep.

The volcano erupted. They got sent up into the air yet again.

Luan S.: What even is this feeling?!

They vanished with another twinkle.

 **Kalos Route 8**

The rest of the Louds were getting into Vanzilla.

Lynn Jr.: Thanks for getting us banned, Lily!

Lily: How was I supposed to know you're not allowed to go poo poo in the ocean?

Lori: Pooping would've been one thing. What got us banned was when you took your diaper off and started throwing it at strangers.

Lily: It seemed like a nice thing to do.

Lana: Mom, do you think we're gonna win that court case?

Rita: For sure. Diancie doesn't even have a lawyer. She's just gonna have Emolga and Karli make cute faces to try to win the judge over. There's no way that's gonna work.

Lana: I don't know. Emolga's pretty adorable.

Everyone got in their seats.

Rita: Alright. Is everyone here? Number 1?

Lori: Here.

Rita: Number 2?

Leni: …

Rita: That's you, Leni.

Leni: I'm Leni!

Rita: Number 3?

Luna: You got it.

Rita: Number 4?

Rita expected Luan L. to make a pun, but she got no response.

Rita: Umm…Where's Luan?

Lynn Jr.: I don't see Lucy anywhere either.

Lana: Where's Lola?

Lynn Sr.: Lincoln's gone too!

Lisa: Crazy Lillie also appears to be missing.

Lily: Come to think of it, I haven't seen any of them since Luan was using her cannon.

Rita: …You don't think…?

Lynn Sr.: They couldn't have.

Luna: Dudes! Look at that!

Luna pointed out the window and everyone else looked in that direction. They saw what appeared to be a comet shooting down from the sky. It crashed through Vanzilla's roof, revealing itself to actually be the missing Louds, Lillie, and Luan S. Covered in soot, they all landed perfectly into empty seats except for Luan S., who landed on a palm tree that bent backwards from her weight.

Lily: There you guys are.

Lincoln, the Luans, and Lola were hyperventilating.

Lillie & Lucy: Man, that was awesome!

Lincoln looked at Lillie like she was out of her mind.

Rita: What happened?!

Luan S.: We got launched into the air 3 times. Once by the cannon, once by a not Pokémon, and once by a volcano.

Lynn Sr.: Are you all okay?

Lincoln: No! I think we need to sue Ridley. He threw us into that not Pokémon.

Rita: We'll sue him while we're suing Diancie. She hit Lana while you guys were gone.

Luan S.: This is a surprisingly durable palm tree. I thought by now it would've…

Luan S. could feel the palm tree was about to snap back.

Luan S.: Oh, not again.

The tree catapulted Luan S. off into the air and she vanished with a twinkle one last time.

Lynn Jr.: Is she gonna be alright?

Lincoln: She'll be fine. Everybody always makes it back okay after being Star KO'd.

A couple of days later, Rita and Lynn Sr. sued Diancie and Ridley for turning their fun beach day into a traumatic, pain-filled experience. But Diancie's idea of having Karli and Emolga make cute faces actually worked, so the Louds were sentenced to a fine of 100,068 Poké Dollars.


End file.
